Understanding Difficult Managers
What surprises me constantly these days is how the socially awkward loner from his college days is now a very socially active individual. I think the best part of the work I do and the career I pursue is having the opportunity to meet incredibly talented and ambitious people. I really like getting to know them, and there is a lot of wonderful and interesting things I get to learn from them.
Protecting Your Mental Space
Before boring you more with my personal philosophies, I would like to start off with a general piece of advice: cease and desist. Please, for the love of God, no job or personal achievement is worth putting your mental well-being in jeopardy. If you can, please quit. Often times we logic ourselves into why we cannot. We become too comfortable with our circumstances. So I would like you to consider trying a mechanism employed by the Stoics called Negative Visualization. Imagine the worst-case scenario you could realistically be in and try to conjure the feelings that would come over you if you were in that situation.
Recognizing Toxic Patterns
Finally, on the offensive side of the situation, it is important to validate our assumptions. We should be comfortable with being wrong. Fortunately, it is a sufficiently documented case. If appealing to their egos already worked, then you know you are on the right track. Let me try and describe some ways to identify difficult managers. Please note I am addressing the behavior and not trying to vilify the person.
When HR Gets Involved
I hope you all agree that all of this is terrible for you and the company. But things often escalate when it eventually gets to you and either side feel it necessary to involve HR. I have not yet personally experienced the full process yet but I have had people close to me go through this. The playbook is roughly the same. There is some form of mediation followed by one of the following three outcomes: either you or your manager admits fault and a course of action is agreed, you switch managers or you get fired.
Call to Community
To conclude, If you are going through this then I am incredibly sorry. If you do not agree with me then I am incredibly curious to know why. Please share your own stories and how you’ve dealt with a difficult boss. I would love to learn from it. One of my biggest fears is being insensitive towards the world around me because of the kind of person I am. Which is why I am actively trying to practice empathy and kindness. I sincerely care about your opinions and hope to hear from you. Please feel free to reach out however you feel comfortable. I hope to be a good listener.
FAQs
Q: What is the best way to deal with a difficult manager?
A: Cease and desist. Prioritize your mental well-being and protect your space.
Q: How do I identify a difficult manager?
A: Look for patterns of behavior such as aggressive guarding of information, lack of psychological safety, and favoritism.
Q: What should I do if I’m going through a difficult situation with my manager?
A: Start collecting evidence, consider quitting, and prioritize your mental well-being.
Q: How can I protect my mental space?
A: Practice negative visualization, take care of your physical and mental health, and prioritize your personal relationships.
Q: What if I don’t agree with the author’s views on difficult managers?
A: Please share your own story and how you’ve dealt with a difficult boss. I would love to learn from it.
