The Balenciaga Console: A Retro Gaming Disaster
The great Spanish fashion designer Cristóbal Balenciaga will be rolling in his grave this week. The Kering-owned brand that uses his name today has made a handheld retro gaming console – and it’s as hideous as you might expect.
A Cross Between a Nintendo Game Boy and a Tesla Cybertruck
The Balenciaga console looks like a cross between a Nintendo Game Boy and a Tesla Cybertruck done on the cheap. If anything the limited-edition device reinforces the argument that gaming and hype fashion really don’t mix. One of the best retro games consoles it is not.
A Gift for Important Chinese Customers
The Balenciaga gaming console has been made as a gift for important Chinese customers (or VICs) to celebrate the lunar new year and the start of the Year of the Snake. Yes, you guessed it. The console plays the classic mobile game Snake (which is also available to play online at the Balenciaga website.) And that’s all it does.
Watch the Console in Action
Balenciaga Snake Game – YouTube
A Cheap, Plastic Console with Impactically Shaped Buttons
Just like a Balenciaga T-shirt, the console takes minimalism to its blandest extreme, resulting in a product that looks like a cheap generic with a logo stamped on it. It’s plasticy, has impactically shaped buttons, and, out of the box, it only plays Snake, although I presume someone will find a way to play DOOM on it.
Hype Fashion and Gaming Don’t Mix
These days, much of what Balenciaga does is can be described as hype fashion, the complete opposite of Cristóbal’s traditional approach to haute couture with his emphasis on craftmanship. But, as the Gucci Xbox has already shown us, hype fashion and gaming just don’t work. I wonder how impressed those Chinese VIC’s will be with this dubious New Year gift. They might prefer to wait for the Nintendo Switch 2 release.
Conclusion
The Balenciaga console is a disappointing and uninspired product that fails to impress. It’s a shame that the brand’s name is being used to sell such a subpar product. For those looking for a decent retro gaming console, there are far better options available.
FAQs
Q: What does the Balenciaga console play?
A: The console only plays the classic mobile game Snake.
Q: Is the console worth buying?
A: No, the console is not worth buying due to its poor quality and limited functionality.
Q: Can I play other games on the console?
A: Yes, although it’s unclear if anyone will bother to hack the console to play other games.
